Balancing the demands of work and parenting/caring can be a delicate juggling act that many of us face daily.
Out with the day to day stressors associated with this, last year we saw a number of additional challenges which may have impacted many of our colleagues with parenting/caring responsibilities:
- The change in the City and Shire October school holidays – created a clash with teaching;
- The termination of council-run out-of-school clubs across the Shire in July;
- The ongoing workload issues many of us face.
There are no easy answers to balancing your work and personal life. The main message I would like to get across is the importance of being kind to yourself - we are all trying our best. Over the years I have wondered if I haven’t done enough for my kids, I have a son aged 18 and a daughter aged 16 who both cook their own dinner a lot of nights, they do their own washing, cleaning, book appointments etc. However, when my son moved into halls at University it became apparent to me how valuable it was that he was able to be self-sufficient. Where some other students were having to learn how to cook, do their washing, organise themselves, whilst also getting to grips with starting University, he was already very capable of doing that. So, I guess what I am saying is that I began to feel less guilty as a parent as I could see the benefit of him doing chores at home as it had prepared him for moving out. I will admit that both my kids are much better cooks than me, although according to them that would not be difficult.
My mantra in life is “do what you can in the time that you have”. That means some days (for me, many days) walking past the clutter in the house and not letting the mess stress me. As a good friend of mine says “hold your nerve and leave the mess”. It can feel like there is a huge amount of pressure on us to be perfect. Social media can paint a picture of perfection, a perfect house, perfect parent, perfect partner, perfect self, but none of it is real. Therefore, I guess my second piece of advice is not to compare yourself to anyone else. You are you, and you are perfect as you are.
That leads me on to talk about resilience. Resilience is not about never feeling overwhelmed, upset, stressed, demotivated etc, it is about feeling those things and then finding a way navigate through. Resilience is about bouncing back, when things get tool much then my advice is to try to step back, do what you need to do in that time to help yourself recover, feel stronger and make sure you prioritise your health and wellbeing over your work. Your wellbeing and the wellbeing of your family is the number one priority. Both my kids have disabilities, and my daughter has been unbale to attend school for over 4 years due to ill-health. In fact, as I write this we are about to leave for the hospital as she is having another surgery today.
Another aspect of life at my age (turned 50 last year) is that many people are managing looking after kids and also elderly parents. Sadly, I lost my dad shortly before my son was born and then my mum died a few weeks after he was born, so I am not in that situation. However, when the kids were younger it meant I didn’t have a support network around me to help. I know that others may also be in that situation, for many reasons, including working away from where their family are located. What I am saying here is that everyone has challenges in their personal life and it’s important to recognise that in terms of doing that you need to do to find your way through difficult times and to also be aware that life doesn’t stop when you enter the workplace, colleagues may be experienced challenges outside of work and we need to be considerate of that.
That leads me to my final message, which is be kind to yourself and others and I particularly like this quote “life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain”.
I would like to remind you about some of the support available to you to:
The homeworking policy, parental leave procedure and flexible working arrangements are there to support us achieve a better work life balance. Please do discuss your specific circumstances with your line manager.
The Wellbeing website provides a wealth of information and resources to support us, from workload management guidance, financial wellbeing advice and the University Employee Assistance programme.
And of course, there is the Parent and Carers Network which connects our community with peers who share similar experience. This is a great opportunity to network, discuss coping strategies and share advice with each other which is exactly what we did at our recent catch up. If you are interested in being involved please get in touch.
Jo-Anne Murray
Vice Principal for Education