Everyone must have experienced some low moments in their lives, but that is normal. However, few things might have pushed some of us to fall deeper into an empty, dark place, where hope seemed like a myth.
I lost one of my best friends many years ago. He passed away from cancer at a very young age. I have always thought that I have coped well with the loss. But as time went by, I realised that I still could not accept his death. Sometimes I had dreams about him being alive. Sometimes I had dreams about him dying. And one day, I had a dream that I killed him. I woke up with great sadness and a feeling of guilt. The days following the event, I started to see my life being pointless. There are too many problems in this world anyways. I did not feel excited about things I usually enjoyed. The idea of suicide seemed intriguing to me, for I might be able to run after my deceased best friend. I browsed on the internet about easy ways to end one’s life and saw offers for help.
On one of the sites I visited, there were people trying to console those who were in despair. Nevertheless, the words “don’t give up” seemed overused and have lost their meaning for me. Some of the advice I read suggested to reach out to someone you trust. Luckily, I have trustworthy people around me. Yet, there is only one person whom I feel comfortable talking with about my deepest issues. Thus, I reached out to him. His response was surprising. He said to me, “Whenever you feel suicidal, just remember that you will die anyway. So, no action is required”. The statement is very logical yet funny at the same time. He lightened up my mood instantly and made me re-think everything. I realised that there are so many wonderful places in the world I haven’t visited yet, so many diverse foods I haven’t tasted yet, and so many activities I haven’t tried yet. But ultimately, I’ve still got time to spend with my beloved ones who are still living.
As the lyrics in one of the songs by my favourite musicians goes, “Trouble keeping our head sometimes. We just have to push on. We don’t get to give up this life. All the breath in your lungs is stronger than the tears in your eyes.” – Tim Bergling. It was unfortunate that Tim took his own life in 2018. However, those who fight the similar battle should open their eyes for something bigger and reach out to those whom you trust.
I met some people from the Scottish Association for Mental Health (SAMH) last year during the BeWell Week at the University. Below are some numbers they provided for those who need to find help and support:
SAMH: 0141 530 1000
Samaritans: 116 123
Breathing Space: 0800 83 85 87
NHS 24: 111