There is a wizard o the North
He makks a magic brew
That changes aa the wirdies
That are bidin in yer moo.
In English, fowk say What and Who
And When and Why and Where
In Glesga toun, it's Whit and Wha
And Whaur that they say there.
Bit ower the Doric loons and quines
The wizard shakks his wand
For it's Fit, Fa, Fan and Far they say
Aa ower the North East land.
If ye faa upon an English stone
In Glesga it's a stane
They'll tell ye ower the telephone
They've hurt their funnybane
In Aiberdeen it's steen and been
The wizard's wark again.
A crow's an English birdie
He's a craw in Glesga toon
Bit the craw becomes a craa
Fin he flees oot the wizard's goon.
On England shines the silver moon
A muin ower Glesga's seen
Bit the wizard casts a spell on us
Up here we see a meen!
In Scotland they may tell ye
Tae awa an bile yer heid
In England boiling heads would be
An odd pastime indeed...
Bit fur eence the wizard's sleepin
An he disna bat an ee
It's the same biled heid in Glesga
Embro Fitty an Dundee
I think I ken the secret o the wizard's magic laws
It's aboot far bairns come frae
An the wye they wirk their jaas!