Anonymous
Aince upon a time, a long time ago, there was a wee cockerel.
An' he was afal prood o his craw!
Every morning, just when the sun was rising, he'd stand on top of the henhoose.He'd puff oot his chest and craw sae lood ye'd hear him for miles aroon.
COCK A DOODLE DOO!
It wis enough to wakken the hale ferm.
It wis enough to wakken the hale world.
It wis enough to wakken the deid!
Ae mornin', the fairmer and his wife hid hid eneuch!
They climbed oot o their beds......
His face wis reid, she wisna happy!
FARMER:YE CRAWIN BRUTE! YE'VE WAUKENED ME UP
AN' IT'S STILL THE MIDDLE 0 THE NICHT!
WIFE:AYE, YER CRAWIN OWER EARLY
FARMER:YER AYE CRAWIN OWER EARLY! NOO, DINNA YE CRAW SAE LOOD THE MORN OR I'LL WRING YER NECK!
WIFE: AYE, AND I'LL MAK A FINE POT O BROTH OOT O' YE!
Now yon cockerel wis afa prood o his craw! He fair thocht he wis the King o a' the craiturs in the fermyaird.
Whit wis- he tae dee?
He thocht an he thocht an he thocht.
COCK:I'VE GOT IT! I'LL CALL A MEETIN 0 A MA FREENS
COCK A DOODLE DOO (X 2)
(ANIMALS ENTER)
COCK: OH MICHTY ME, OH MICHTY ME, FIT'LL I DEE, FIT'LL I DEE?
MOOSIE: FIT'S ADEE, FIT'S ADEE?
COCK: I CRAW SAE LOODLY THE FAIRMER SAYS I'VE GOT TAE DEE.
HE SAYS HE'LL WRING MA NECK!
(ANIMALS BUZZ)
AARGH! AARGH! YE DIV CRAW LOODLY!
DOG:WOOF, WOOF, I KNOW, I KNOW
BIRDS:TWEET, TWEET, IT'S TRUE, IT'S TRUE, YOU DO
Then up spake a wee moosie as sma as your hand.
MOOSIE: EE EE EE. I KEN FIT TAE DEE. I'LL CHEW THE MAISTER'S LACES OOT 0 HIS SHEEN AND WELL TIE UP YOUR BEAK WI` THE LACES. THEN YE CANNA BE SAE LOOD.
COME ON, COCKY, COME WI ME!
(ANIMALS BUZZ, GO TO SLEEPING POSITIONS, SETTLE DOWN)
So the very next morning: ZZZZ (SNORING)
COCK A DOODLE DOO
ZZZZ
The sun rose in the sky, and the wee birdies cam oot tae sing.
But there wis nae soon frae the cockerel.
And there wis nae sign o the fairmer!
8 o'clock - Z Z Z; 9 o'clock - Z Z Z; 10 o'clock - Z Z Z
Suddenly there wis a great roar fae the fermhoose.
FAIMER:FAR'S THAT COCKEREL? WAIT TILL I GET YOU.
AH - MA PUIR WEE BIRDIE. FA' DID THAT TAE YE?
WIFE: MA BONNIE LOON, COME HERE TILL WE SORT YE OOT.
FAIRMER: I'M NAE USE AVA WITHOOT YER BONNIE SANG IN THE MORNING!
(UNTIES BEAK)
So efter that the wee cockerel sang as loodly as afore.
COCK A DOODLE DOO!
Noo, if yer in the country an' ye hear an afa lood
COCK A DOODLE DOO!
Ye'll ken fa it is. An ye'll be richt gled - for......
FARMER AND WIFE: YE MAUN STAIRT YER WORK
IN GUID TIME ILKA MORNIN!
COCK: COCK A DOODLE DOO!
CHEERIO THE NOO! COCK A DOODLE DOO!
CURTAIN