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Confidence

What is Self Esteem?

Confidence and Self Esteem allow us to feel good about ourselves, in control of our lives, flexible and resourceful. We trust ourselves and our abilities as well as being realistic in our views of ourselves. Confidence allows us to accept ourselves as we are and to continue to feel positive about ourselves even when our expectations are not met.We value ourselves and when our self esteem is healthy we are more likely to persist in the face of difficulties and to enjoy life. Conversely, with low self esteem we are more likely to loose faith in ourselves, feel fearful, depend on other peoples approval and expect negative outcomes in our lives.

Growth of Self Esteem

Early experiences in our family can have a huge influence on our self esteem. Accepting and understanding parents helps to nurture self acceptance and positive feelings in children. Those of us who have demanding and judgemental experiences in childhood may develop feelings of inadequacy and a lack of trust in ourselves. Unconditional acceptance of children as they are, continuing to offer love when they make mistakes, allows them to develop confidence and a sense of self worth. Lack of confidence is not neccesarily related to a lack of ability, e.g a person may have a good academic record but still be overwhelmed by expectations of failure before assignments or exams.

Developing Confidence & Self Esteem

Each of us may have areas in our lives where we feel confident and others where we lack confidence. How we develop confidence may vary depending on each individual and what they find most effective. Here are some guidelines that may be useful :

1. Examine your inner thoughts and notice whether they tend to indicate a belief in yourself or whether they are more self defeating. If so, try to replace them with thoughts which take a more balanced view and are more accepting of yourself.
2. Try expressing your feelings more openly instead of keeping them inside.
3. Consider asking for what you want from others more directly.They cannot read your mind, so let others know what you are feeling and thinking.
4. Allow yourself to make mistakes but continue to accept yourself.
5. Value yourself by making time for yourself, getting to know yourself better, what you like and what you don't like, what you want from life. Treat yourself and look after yourself emotionally and physically.
6. Learn to say 'NO' to others and establish boundaries that feel comfortable to you.
7. Begin to trust your intuition more. Somewhere inside, you know what is best for you.
8. Consider joining a workshop to develop self esteem or assertiveness.

More information is available on the links page.

Sources of Help

The University Counselling service has trained counsellors who can help you explore these issues. We also have a library of books on many subjects including Confidence and Self Esteem, which can be borrowed witha £5 deposit.

The Counselling Service also runs courses on developing Confidence and Self Esteem.